I’m okay…

At least. That’s what I convinced you all to think. 

It hurts. A lot. I feel so left out when its the bunch of us together…its like I’m unwanted and my presence isn’t even needed here – even what I say or do doesn’t deserve a word of thanks or acknowledgement or even a “hi” or “bye” anymore.. 

Just admit it. You look down on me and you have no interest in getting to know my life outside of school better. The bunch of you. I can’t express how I feel so upset inside being left out of what you guys want to do and without me…the things you share among yourselves but don’t want me to know…the messages you pass in class side by side because you don’t want me to know you’re talking about me…

I sure as hell can tell. And it hurts. 
Heck. You even insulted my boyfriend indirectly now that you yourself have one and you “don’t see the need to meet him cuz there’s no use of him in your life”. 

Really now. You can call me a friend even after saying that to my face?

I don’t know if you’re still mad from that incident. Other people told me you’re not the kind to hold grudges over small things like this…but why? Why do you not have any regard for what I say anymore? Is my being so insignificant to you that you can’t even remember to hand me my stuff, let alone talk to me when I try to call out to you…?

It hurts. Not being able to express how I feel. Just staying silent and wishing time changes and heals wounds by itself. I don’t know how to solve this conflict…I really don’t…I don’t even know where to begin, or whether it is just me being extremely negative over the fact I feel so empty inside that you have neglected me and all I try to do for you…
-Hyun Jae


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